When What is Right, is Also What We Regret
by KittenInAPool
Summary: The day after Clare and her beau, Jake have sex for the first time. Clare Regrets it, but doesn't know why exactly. So with Alli, Adam, & Jake's help, she'll figure out why she regrets something that was so perfect.  ONE-SHOT  better summary inside


**This is a little different than my other work. It's just, I don't have really any time to write and make videos and everything. But as I am on a break with videos. I still am managing some One-shots and working on New Semester, New Clare. I'm doing my best. Sorry for the wait. But here you go. In this, there is a lot of talking, a lot of dialogue. So if you don't like that, sorry. It's kind of a long one, so I'll just let you read it. READ, REVIEW, and ENJOY!  
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**A LITTLE BLURB: **_**After dating for a few months. And into the first quarter of her junior year. The night after Clare and her beau Jake have had sex for the first time. Clare's certain she was ready. But realizes maybe she wasn't. And can't seem to figure out why she's regretting something that felt so right. With the help of Alli, Adam, and Jake too. She'll learn the truth of why the night is haunting her so much.**_

Clare sat in the passenger side of her mother's car, dressed in her red Degrassi polo shirt, and khaki pants. Taking her time to get out and walk into Degrassi. When Helen nudged her after she didn't laugh at her joke and asked, "Something wrong sweetheart?"

"No. Everything's fine. Just one theoretical question… If I told you I did something that I regret completely, what would you tell me?" Clare nervously asked.

Helen bit her tongue looking away slightly before speaking. "Well, I would tell you – regrets are good sometimes. If you regret it, you can learn from it. And hope you won't make the same mistake again." Clare thanked her after an awkward pause, and as she begun to climb out of the car, Helen caught her arm. "Sweetie. I'm always here. To talk if you need me." Clare stared at her and grinned with a nod, and then climbed out of the car and into the school.

She dug at her locker when she was spun around and kissed on the cheek. Jake stood before her with a giant grin on his face. "So you are here! I was thinking you were sick or something when you texted me to not pick you up today."

She stuttered, "Yeah, my mom wanted to drive me today." Clare lied, turning back to her locker.

"Is something wrong?" He asked leaning against the locker next to her. "No," was all she could reply with no eye contact. He stared at her ignoring his presence it felt like when he noticed it, "Crap. It got weird didn't it? Dammit. You said you were ready." Jake went off ranting, until Clare shut her locker and faced him to start talking.

"Jake. Nothing is wrong _or _weird. Last night was great, it's just…" She muttered off, ignoring what she was about to say.

"It's just what?"

"Nothing. I have to get to class." She hugged her binder, walking around Jake toward her class.

XXX

Alli and Clare walked out of their class on their way to lunch when Alli bugged her, "So…What was it like?"

Clare questioned her, even knowing she had already told her, but Alli's glare made her answer. "It was…it wasn't wrong…it just…wasn't…_right._"

"Well the first time always sucks for the girl. Painful, gross, you feel disgusted with yourself afterwards and—" Alli ranted until Clare cut her off.

"Alli, please? No like, it was great. I really love Jake. I felt ready. I was ready. Everything was just…fine."

"_Just fine! _So do you know, what wrecked the passion?" Alli asked, trying to figure out why Clare was being confused and calm. She wasn't breaking down like she did when she and Johnny first did it. Or jovial for sleeping with someone she loves. Alli had to start poking her nose into her business until she could figure out the problem.

"I really don't know. Maybe it was the setting or… I have no clue." They turned around the corner, and Clare froze. Eli and Imogen were sitting in the J.T. Memorial area eating their lunches. "I thought you were over them?" Alli asked. "I am. It's just, still weird seeing. I try my best to not flaunt Jake and I when he's around. But, I guess it doesn't matter anymore. We're each other's past. Just memories," Clare explained, not taking her eyes off the figures through the windows. Alli linked arms with her and nudged her to keep moving, "C'mon. Let's go to The Dot."

XXX

Clare sat with Alli drinking their milkshakes when Adam walked in and took a seat at the table with them. He straddled the chair, crossing his arms on the table. "So what are you two lovely ladies talking about?"

"We're analyzing Clare's night with Jake last night," Alli responded.

"What did something outrageous happen at one of your movie nights?" Adam suggested.

"Oh no, they slept together," Alli responded quickly but nonchalantly, causing Clare to yell with a hushed tone, "Alli!"

Adam's eyes were wide. "No…what? Seriously?" He was speechless. Clare bit her lips together scared of Adam's feelings toward it. "Wow…St. Clare is really growing up."

"You aren't mad?" Clare asked.

"Why would I be mad? I'm not your parents. Just was unexpected. So what are you over analyzing about it? Wasn't it just sex?" He wondered, starting to make too many assumptions in his head.

Alli finished her sip and spoke up before Clare could. "She feels like she was completely ready last night. She has no weird feelings toward Jake. She still loves him. She doesn't regret it and doesn't think it was wrong. But it just didn't feel right to her. They made it romantic with music and candles, so it wasn't the setting."

"What about your morals?" Adam suggested, lifting Clare's left hand to show the ring on her finger then dropped it. "You've been wearing that ring your whole life. You don't think that you were going against Jesus or whatever."

"You don't think that was the first thing I'd suspect?" Alli snapped a bit.

"It's not that. I've been okay with everything as long as I loved the guy and was ready," Clare commented, "And I love Jake. He's fantastic. So cute, talented, smart."

"Yeah, well you loved Eli too." Adam said, reaching for Clare's drink. "Weird. I always thought I'd be hearing that you lost your virginity from _him_." He took a sip of her shake.

Alli stared at Clare, mouth opened. "What?" Clare asked.

"You're not over Eli," She answered with an upbeat, quiet tone.

"What? Of course I am! Both of us have moved on. Our lives with each other are over. Nothing more. I love Jake. Jake Martin is the guy I love. And Jake Martin is they guy I made love to last night. Not Eli." Clare went off.

Adam and Alli gave each other a look of not believing her. "Yeah. All of those things may be true. But maybe Alli's going somewhere with this," Adam said.

"You guys are crazy. I should have never even brought this up." She got up, grabbing her bag. "Just drop it guys. So it was my first time. Maybe that's the inner thought in my head that's making me fight this. I'm just scared or something. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to set this aside and go back to school and hopefully see my _boyfriend _Jake." And she left The Dot immediately.

XXX

The end of the day came and as Clare was walking out the front doors, Jake came through from the other side of the hall. Clare jumped to his side, tip-toeing on her heels to kiss his cheek, "Hey! I haven't seen you all day." He awkwardly smiled at her as they walked out the doors. "Hey." She pulled him back as he started to walk faster than her at the bottom of the steps. "I'm sorry I've been Miss Secretive and awkward. I swear, you did nothing wrong. Last night was great. Wonderful." She interlinked their hands together gazing up at him. "I love you."

"I love you too. But I felt it too. You didn't like it. Sure we love each other and it felt great. But, it wasn't right," he spoke up.

She slouched annoyed. "Alli and Adam talked to you didn't they?"

"They didn't need to. _They did, _but that's beside the point." He walked her over to the side by the bench. "We had sex because we love each other and felt ready. But you need more than just love. Something that you can't see with me."

"What are you talking about?" Clare was so confused. "Do you mean marriage? No I'm over that I—"

"You don't need marriage. You just need to see yourself actually _having _a future with him," he explained. She tried to argue but he stopped her. "You don't. You can of course imagine something on the top of your head. But, I know who your heart belongs to and it's not me. This started out as just a fling. And we know it was never going to be anything more. I'm sorry Clare." Her mouth was dropped, blankly staring at nothing when Jake grabbed her biceps and pecked a kiss on her forehead, before heading toward his truck.

She fell on the bench, not crying but dazed. She was still trying to put the pieces together in her head. Adam came down and sat next to her. "So, are you waiting for Jakey?"

"No…He just…dumped me…I think," She said, still confused. She looked over at Adam. "What did you tell him?"

"Nothing! He was able to figure everything out on his own."

"Figure _what _out? There was nothing to figure out! I have no idea what's going on now," she whined.

"Here. I'll help you. I want you to think about it. Last night. You were ready and he had been waiting. You both loved each other, so you did it. You and Eli both loved each other and when you threw yourself at him, he stopped you." Adam was trying to sound clever.

"What? That's beside the point! Those are two very different scenarios," She complained, brushing her fingers through her curls.

"Yeah, but who was the one who completely changed your views on sex?" Adam asked, and without a response he continued, "Eli. Because you were certain you two would last. You could see a future with him. You loved him enough to sleep with him at one point. Whether it was one night cleaning his room or you guy's wedding night. You could see more between the two of you. As for Jake, he picked up the pieces after Eli. He showed you there was more out there than just Elijah Goldsworthy. However—"

"It wasn't enough…" Clare finished. She looked up at Adam. "I hate you so much right now. Y'know that?"

Adam wrapped an arm around her and hugged her, "I love you too." He got up, digging for his car keys in his pocket, looking back at her, "Hey, you wanna ride?"

"No. I think I'll just walk home… Thanks though." Adam could tell by the tone of her voice that her thank you wasn't toward offering her a ride. So he replied, "Any time Clare." Leaving her to massage her temples out of stress.

Most the students were gone. She was the only one outside of the school, looking pathetic with her face buried in her palms. "Hey. You alright?" That familiar voice asked, making Clare snap her attention to him.

Eli stood in his leather jacket and thumbs in her back pockets, standing next to the bench. "Yeah. I'm fine. Thanks for asking."

"Just making sure you weren't crying or anything."

"No. Just a little stressed."

Eli sat down on the edge of the bench. "What about?" She stared at him awkwardly. "You're right sorry. I know we haven't talked since last year. So this is just strange. I'll leave you be." He got up and started to head toward the parking lot.

"Jake broke up with me," she said. Making him spin around on his heels slowly and saying, "I always knew that guy was a tool."

"No it was my fault."

Eli smirked uncomfortably. "What happened?"

She stood up and broadly explained, "There was just something…getting between us. Opposite feelings toward something."

Eli kicked the ground, "Me?"

Clare's eyes widened, avoiding eye contact out of surprise. "You're smugger then I remember."

He chuckled. "I'm not being smug this time." Their eyes met again. "Adam told me."

Clare crossed her arms in discomfort. "He's been saying stuff all day. Don't believe him!"

Eli licked his lips. "Fine. Whatever you say. Do you want a ride?"

Clare hesitated. "You know what, sure. I'd love that." She followed him to a black motorcycle. "Woah! You didn't say you had a motorcycle. I think I'll resign on the ride." She backed away.

He looked up at the cloudy sky. "It's probably going to rain soon. I can get you home in five minutes tops. I don't want you walking home in the rain." When she took a moment to think, then walked back toward him. He pulled two helmets out of the seat compartment, handing her one.

They took off toward Clare's house. She held his waist for dear life, terrified, as she hid her eyes by pushing her head against his back. Yet the ride went quicker then she thought as they wound up in front of her place. He shut off the bike, kicking down the stand so Clare could get off easier. As she took off the helmet she breathed heavily, "remind me to never let you give me a ride home again."

He laughed at her as he held his helmet in his arms, off the bike and leaning against it. "So, was _everything _Adam was saying today a lie?" He asked out of the blue.

"Why? What else was he saying?" She asked, trying to fix her hair.

"That you had sex with Jake," he answered swiftly as if he didn't want to say it. Clare looked at the ground, shrugging her bag on her shoulder. "So it's true. Wow."

"Funny how one person can change you entire idea of a belief. But you fulfill it with someone else." She remarked not looking at him. She was nervous and scared, choking up in her voice but still continuing when she spoke.

An uneasy silence passed and Eli spoke out, "I'm sorry."-she looked up at him-"I put you through so much last year. Nothing you deserved to go through. And I should have said it a long time ago. But I'm really sorry."

Clare stared at him with sincerity, her eyes glistened. "Thanks." She smiled at him, trying to keep a tear from escaping and falling down her cheekbone. After a moment passed, Eli reached out to her, pulling her into a comforting, intimate hug. She wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face into his shoulder. His arm with the helmet rested on the small of her back, as the other one rested on her neck with his fingers going through her flattened curls. Smothering his face into her hair, and kissing the top of her head. His eyes shut, letting the moment happen. Trying to keep the feeling he hasn't had in such a long time last. He felt raindrops fall on his head and hands, soon after.

"You," Clare mumbled. Eli didn't pull away, but allowed himself to intently listen to her. "Jake and I broke up because…I wanted you to be my first." She pulled away, and he let her, still keeping their hands on each other. "You were the one I wanted to be with my first time. And Jake couldn't live with my regrets with him. He didn't like taking what was rightfully yours."

Eli smirked, feeling awkward. "I see—"

Clare smiled, then turning to go into her home. Once at the door, expecting to see him getting back on his bike, she turned around to say, "Thank yo—" She was cut off. His lips crushed hers, holding her hips tightly, as she fell back she linked her arms around his neck. She pulled back breathless, "Wait! Wait! What about Imogen?"

Eli raised an eyebrow, "you think I'm still with her? We broke up months ago. If you didn't notice she was a little intense, in a crazy way. But we're still friends."

Clare leaned back against her door, mainly to keep out of the rain, but also upset with herself. "You become friends with crazies as I just ran scared. I'm such a pathetic bitch." She grabbed at her curls.

Eli grabbed her hands away from her face. "Will you shut up and stop being so hard on yourself!" He demanded holding her wrists, standing only but inches apart. "You did the right thing. I was insane. I crashed my car, no, I crashed _Morty_ for you! I was more than intense. I was borderline psychotic."

Eli dropped her hands, when she lightly struggled to pull away. She noticed Eli starting to get drenched from the pouring rain. He had been standing in it this entire time, not letting it bother him. "C'mon inside," she said opening the door for them. Clare immediately ran up the stairs as Eli wiped his feet. She came down with a towel, wrapping it around him as she guided him to the couch.

"Y'know. I'm fine Clare. I'm not that wet. It's not like I've been standing in the rain for hours."

"Yes, but your hair is soaked. You'll catch a cold or something." She stared at him with water falling from the tips of his bangs.

He couldn't help but gaze back, admiring her eyes. He brushed her bangs out of her face as she patted him with the towel to dry off. "I've missed seeing your beautiful blue eyes."

Clare froze, stuttering what to say back. "Let me get you something to eat." She stood up to head toward the kitchen, but Eli grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Why are you completely ignoring that I just kissed you less than five minutes ago?" She didn't respond to his question. "Because by the way you kissed me back. You seem like you wanted me to." Another awkward pause. He rose to his feet to talk to her more intently, "You can't tell me you broke up with your boyfriend because you'd rather of had sex with me than him, than ignore you still have feelings to. You're pulling one-eighties Edwards, and you're starting to freak _me _out. I mean who's the girl I fell in love with last year. Not scared of trying to get what she wants. You're nervous and quiet and…_not saying anything—_"

She jumped on him, causing them to fall onto the couch. After quickly kissing him, she just held him saying, "I missed you. I still love you. And I can't stand you not in my life. The dumbest move I made was cutting you out. I thought I'd get over it, but you stayed. You wouldn't leave my thoughts."

Eli hugged her back, squeezing her tight. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

**What did you think? I know it kind of sucked. Well I haven't been in a writing mood and I wrote this at like 3 AM when I was completely sleep deprived. But who's excited for the new season? I feel like it's going to be a good one! Their first two episodes were fantastic! Can't wait to see what they have in store. :D Love ya! :*(^_^) ~Eli**


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